Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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