Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Apparently you make a good broom.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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