3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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