is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
