Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
