she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
