We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
