Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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