The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
