You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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