wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
