just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
