Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
