Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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