Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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