LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
