Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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