i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
