i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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