The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
True strength comes from lack of pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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