I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
