How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You need Xanax blowdarts
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize