Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
