Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
