I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
