Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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