I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
