He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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