you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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