you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i've created a new STD.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
