Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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