The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
