I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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