he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
