so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
