There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
