i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
