We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
