i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
