just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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