apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
