i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
