FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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