I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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