then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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