Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
