Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
