And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
