I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
