I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
