I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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