woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
only you would photoshop your dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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