but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
