so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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