best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
