like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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