Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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