Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
