Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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