Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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