Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
