oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
