You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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