i already hear my dad disowning me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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