Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
