Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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