At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
