Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
