so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't turn off my feet"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
